


Can't Be Healed

by Jld71



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Blood, Death, Demons, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-23
Updated: 2018-02-23
Packaged: 2019-03-22 18:52:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13770360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jld71/pseuds/Jld71
Summary: Some things that can't be healed with angel powers.





	Can't Be Healed

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ami_ven](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ami_ven/gifts).



> Written for the prompt by ami_ven: Supernatural, Castiel/Dean Winchester, there are some things that can't be healed with angel powers.

"Dean," Cas' tired voice rings out from the dark. "How can I help?" The voice is soft, almost pleading in its tone.

Dean laughs, it's hollow sounding, even to his own ears. "You can't." 

It's just the way it is. there's nothing Cas can do. He never really had a chance at actually healing Dean. Not the way he needs. He's past the physical need of healing. Past the emotional. It's something deep in his soul that’s broken and there's no healing that.

Cas steps forward, into his line of view, a smile on that angelic face, lighting his brilliant blue eyes. They shine, full of his love, his devotion for the man that stands before him. He's willing to do anything for this broken human. He's been to Hell and back for him. He'd do it again and again without hesitation, without a second thought or a moment’s notice. That's why it hurts to see Dean the way he is, he's broken in a way he can't heal. There is no way this wound can be healed with his angelic power. It started festering a long time ago. It’s too big to root out. He’d end up carving Dean out, hollowing him into nothingness in order to heal him.

“I love it too much. The hunt, the kill. Doesn’t matter if it was the Mark of Cain urging me on, the Darkness or just my damned soul,” Dean mutters more to himself but knows Cas can hear him. He can always hear him, even when he doesn’t speak. 

He doesn’t know when he broke, just knows it happened. He can’t piece himself back together, never really could. Maybe it’s his mother’s fault. She died and left him and Sam in the hands of an angry and vengeful man. Maybe it’s his father’s fault. He could never let go of his desire to kill the demon that robbed him of his precious Mary. Maybe it’s Sam’s fault, the favorite son. The one John put a four year old in charge of caring for. The one that even demons have fought over to have as their own. Who has ever fought over him he wonders to himself? 

Dean just knows he never had a chance. Not a real solid fight at ‘normal’ for himself. He’s angry at himself for being broken. For never noticing until it was too late. Maybe if he’d realized all those years ago, he could have fought off the blackness that’s now in his soul. He’s aware enough now to know it threatens to overtake him. The blackness that makes him drink too much so he can dull the ache. Sure, he knows how to smile through the pain of loss. He’s a master at it. Sarcasm is his best defense. He knows how to hurt you before you hurt him. He learned a long time ago how to harden his heart, not to feel anything or for anyone. It’s easier to pull up stakes and move on if you never get attached. 

“There’s nothing you can do. I don’t think even God could heal me. Then again, maybe I don’t want to be healed. Maybe I’m better off this way.”

A sharp intake of breath catches Dean’s attention and his green eyes snap up, focus on Cas’ stunned face. “Dean, you can’t mean that. Everyone is worth being healed, worth saving. You are worth it.”

“No, not really. Only if I serve a purpose.” Dean cracks a smile, one that doesn’t reach his eyes. “I know what my purpose has always been. Protect Sam, at all cost. I’ve become the perfect killer to do that.” Dean raises his hand to stop Cas from speaking. “Don’t deny it, it’s the truth.”

He watches as Cas only shakes his head yes in agreement. There’s no sense in arguing it, it’s a fact they both know is true. It’s the reason he’s still walking this Earth. The reason why he’s still fighting. The reason why he’s blackened his soul. For his brother. For Sam.

“I’d do it again, you know,” Dean says as he turns his back on Cas. “Anything to protect Sam. Sacrifice it all, over and over again. Just like you when you heal one of us.” Dean says as he reaches down and pulls the blade from the demon’s corpse. The one that had tried to get to Sam. The one he’d put down before he’d ever gotten a football field length near Sam. He wipes the blade clean on the corpse's clothing before stashing the blade away. 

He stands back up, casts a glance over at Cas, sees the sadness in the angel’s eyes. He offers him his own smile, a peace offering if you will. “I’ve know for a long time that I was beyond help. I’m more self-aware than everyone thinks I am.” He gives a dry laugh that echos off the concrete walls of the warehouse they’re in.

Cas looks at him, really looks at him for the first time in a long time. He sees what Dean’s talking about. Why hadn’t he ever noticed? When had this happened? This awakening inside of Dean, this awareness that he has about himself. Has it always been there, hidden by everything that they’ve been through? Was Sam aware of this? Or has Dean always been able to hide so much of himself from everyone? His eyes widen at these thoughts and it’s like he’s seeing Dean for the first time again when he pulled him out of Hell, broken and bloody.

Dean’s movement pulls him from his musings and he focuses his attention back on him. Watches as Dean salts the corpse and sets it ablaze. 

Dean looks up and catches Cas watching him. He motions with a nudge of his head. “Come on, we gotta get movin’.” He turns and makes his way to the door of the warehouse only to stop and look back at the burning body and then at Cas. “I’ve known there are some things that can't be healed with angel powers. I just happen to be one of them,” he says as he disappears into the darkened night sky.


End file.
